Well...I don't do journals... In fact, I hate writing with a passion... But yesterday, some shit went down, and I just have to get it off my chest. Ally, (my first love, best friend, known for 13 years, ex-fiancee), basically told me she didn't to be with me anymore... (we were getting back together after four years) She's been seeing this other guy that she works with. She's back home in AZ, while I've been stationed in NC for the past four years, and will be for another four years at least. For three days, she was hanging out with him and partying, all the whlie telling me everything was fine and ok. Went she wouldn't talk to me like she used to. I've known her for 13 years, so I know when something is up... When I finally asked her about it, she admitted she liked this guy ALOT. (We don't lie to each other about anything...) The reason why she is my ex-fiancee is because, four years ago she broke up with me while I was in boot camp for a guy that she worked with... Basically to me, it's deja-vu all over again. I've been fucked over by girls alot in my life. I'm at the end of a divorce right now. (she cheated on me with over 30 guys within a six month span...) I guess I know how to pick the winners. Anyways, I've never stopped loving her, and I still do. (Ally that is...) I overreacted on her though when she told me about him, which to be honest, i shouldn't have done. All I did was push her away... I'm demoralized, heart-broken... And it's mainly my fault... What I don't understand is, if you promised yourself to someone, why would you put yourself in a situation where you can fuck it up??? I just want to know how I can fix things, and not have it end like this... This girl seriously means everything to me... No one knows me inside and out like she does... I'm just lost....